Do you drink the same beer as me?Beer-themed gift ideas for Christmas and beyond

For beer lovers, what can you get for Christmas other than a gym membership? Thankfully, the dark and lonely corners of the internet are filled with questionable drinking paraphernalia, hoppy fashion, and witty cool. There are plenty of stylish options, right down to technology.

For beer lovers, what can you get for Christmas but a gym membership? Thankfully, the dark and lonely corners of the internet are filled with everything from questionable drinking paraphernalia and hoppy fashion to clever koozie techniques and pain. There are plenty of mysterious options available, including beer-themed Canucks paraphernalia to soothe your mood.

dad bag

The ironic fetishization of “dad” is perhaps the biggest thing to happen to male craft beer drinkers since beards to hide double chins and baseball caps to hide baldness. Dad bags go one step further by recapturing the fanny pack's long-derided utilitarian glory combined with the fantasy of having a beer gut. What if you've already said “beer gut”? Then you will be twice as sexy. $15.99

Growler 1207
The Dadbag is probably one of the strangest fanny packs on the market. – Contributed

Canucks authentic game-used bottle opener

Costing more than the low bowl seats at Rogers Arena, these officially NHL-approved bottle openers were made from a real hockey puck that went through Jacob Markstrom and a broken hockey stick from one of his many missed slapshots. It is made. Failure has never felt so exhilarating. $95

canucks hockey sweater koozie

If you ask me, a beer bottle decorated with a knitted beer koozie looks a lot like an uncircumcised penis, but as a child of the '70s, I didn't see many of them. That said, this koozie features insulated neoprene and a “unique knit construction” that allows it to expand to fit most cans and bottles up to 2 liters, making it the perfect place to keep a bottle of chilled Rock-a-Berry in his cooler. You can enjoy it all night long. $9.99

beer cap map

Who wouldn't enjoy geographically documenting the extent of their alcoholism? This stylized plywood allows you to plan your drinking adventures south of the border, one bottle cap at a time. Want to keep track of your mead-drinking exploits? The wide sword notch is for when you're out LARPing. $43.70

Growler 1207
If a paper map isn't ritualistic enough, try mapping your American drinking tour on a beer cap map. – Contributed

bottle loft

Not to be confused with the $500,000 Mount Pleasant “micro-condo” you just priced yourself at to enjoy the best “craft life.” Bottle Loft is a set of magnetic strips that attach to the roof of your refrigerator and hang bottles from it. why? Because with ridiculous mortgage payments, this is the closest thing to entertainment you can afford. $47.44

Growler 1207
Bottle Loft is a set of magnetic strips that attach to the roof of your refrigerator and allow you to hang beer bottles. – Contributed

beard dress and leggings

Made from 82 per cent polyester, 18 per cent elastane and 100 per cent unsuitable for mothers, these Australian-made garments are not only barley-friendly, they're also strangely appealing. Plus, you can finally pull out the long-awaited pick-up line, “What's your girlfriend's IBU?” It is currently sold out

Growler 1207
Perhaps the best outfit to wear when drinking beer is the beer itself. – Contributed

thirsty bat

Billed as “an iconic baseball bat and beer bong rolled into one,” the unfortunately named “ThirstBat Chugger” is built to play ball as well as… Conveniently designed to help you consume delicious beer quickly. How about a ThirstRacquet Chugger for tennis enthusiasts or a ThirstJavelin Chugger for high school track and field teams? Well, that's crazy. $44.99

Growler 1207
ThirstBat Chugger costs $44.99. – Contributed

shakourie shower beer koozie

If there's anything more life-affirming than drinking in the shower, I've never experienced it or remembered it yet. That said, safe and convenient beverage storage has long remained a drawback to such a noble shower pursuit. Thankfully, the makers of the Shacoolie Shower Beer Koozie have solved his one of humanity's great conundrums with this personal hygiene-minded drinking companion. But I don't understand why they didn't combine beer koozies and soap with the rope technique. I missed such an opportunity. $9.97

Growler 1207
Do you have college friends on your list? Try the Shakourie Shower Beer Koozie. – Contributed

Float a birthday candle to turn beer into cake

A crown is a heavy thing to wear, especially when you're drinking beer alone on your birthday in sweatpants covered in gravy. However, don't get caught up in the “dojo of emotions.” Enjoy your party with these floating candles that are perfectly sized for beer mugs, tankards, and gallon jugs. Yes, you can have it all. $5.99

Growler 1207
With this floating birthday candle, you can replace birthday cake with beer. – Contributed

• Growler 2017 Winter issue is now on sale. You can find BC's Favorite Craft Beer Guide at your favorite breweries, some independent liquor stores, and newsstands across the province.

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